The Seeker of Peace

Getting What I Want
December 11, 2008, 9:28 am
Filed under: Suffering, World | Tags: , , , , ,

Lester Levenson said that we always demonstrating (i.e. manifesting reality). To grow, we must take full responsibility for what we demonstrate. This week, I got a clear example of that.

On Tuesday, I went to an infusion center for some iron to treat my anemia. Normally, I’m in and out within about 90 minutes. This time, for a variety of reasons, I was there for several hours. That gave me a lot of time to think.

Since this was primarily a cancer center, most of the other patients were there for chemotherapy. Many of them were visibly much sicker than I. As I spent time sitting among them, I found myself feeling jealous. Unbidden, I kept having the thought “They’re lucky – they have an excuse not to work.”

As I explored this more, I found myself wanting to get sicker so that I’d have a good excuse to leave my job. At some level, I’m sure I’ve been harboring this desire for some time. And, of late, I’ve been getting what I want. My health has been deteriorating consistently. It’s already very difficult to do my job.

The good news is that this thought instantly became absurd once brought to light. I don’t have to get any sicker to leave my job. That very night, I sent a note to all of my clients informing them that I was wrapping up my business and would help them transition their accounts within the next few months.

As I wrote a month ago, I thought I had reached “hootlessness” about my health goal. But it only took me a day after that to realize how much my health goal and my job situation were closely linked. My experience in the infusion center made it clear that I’d slipped far from hootlessness: I wanted to be ill, and severely so, to let me leave my job while still seeking approval.

So, I understand much better now what Lester meant by responsibility. How could I expect to become healthy, when I really wanted to be sick?

I guess it’s time to go back to doing the Sedona Method‘s advantages and disadvantages technique, to see if there are any other reasons I want to be sick. And maybe, if I let go of wanting approval, control, and security, I can allow myself to have what I want without being sick. It certainly worked for leaving my job.


2 Comments so far
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Have you ever read Louise Hay’s book, YOU CAN HEAL YOUR LIFE? It’s really interesting because she has a list of ailments and diseases and their psychological causes with affirmations that you can use to heal yourself. Years ago when I had first perused the book, I thought it was a bunch of huey. Although later on, when I really got sick, I reread her book and I was totally freaking out because she was right–my symptoms were caused by other issues in my life. I “cured” myself of pneumonia (no antibiotics) once with her affirmations. Maybe it could help you too. (: Happy Healing!!!

Comment by The Goldmine

No, I haven’t. Thanks for suggesting it. I see my local library has it – I’ll check it out.

Congratulations on your pneumonia cure. It’s always encouraging to hear of people’s successes!

Comment by The Seeker of Peace

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