The Seeker of Peace


Ice Skating Uphill
October 11, 2008, 3:15 pm
Filed under: God | Tags: , ,

In 1996, I had a new DVD player and there were very few movies available on DVD. I decided to take a chance on the movie Blade. As Blade is about to vanquish the villain, Blade chides him by saying, “Some motherf*****s are always trying to ice skate uphill.” This line has stuck in my mind ever since.

Most of my life has felt like ice skating uphill, a struggle to make progress. For a long time I found writing software to be very easy. However, soon I set my sights on management roles of increasing responsibility, and creating code became a drag on my “progress.” Raising two daughters, both of whom were colicky and sleepless as babies, was truly exhausting. After I developed Crohn’s Disease, I was so sick that pretty much everything seemed hard.

However, writing this blog has been easy. Sure, this is only my fifth post, but for each of those five days I have had no doubt as to what my topic should be. The words for the posts come to me quickly. Writing has been like ice skating downhill, for a change. Which brings me to why I started blogging.

For a few weeks, I’ve been trying to get in touch with my intuition, Beingness, the voice of God, or pretty much anything other than my ego to help me make decisions. (I’m not sure there’s any difference between those sources of wisdom.) Then, a week ago, I had the urge to start a blog. It didn’t seem particularly apropos of anything, as I had mostly been looking for guidance on my career and physical health. My ego said it was a pointless thing to do, but the urge persisted. Just in case this was God guiding me, I followed the urge. I assume that the ease of blogging is a sign that I made the right decision.

I have to wonder: could all of life be this easy? If I can quiet my ego, and let God guide my decisions, will everything feel like a downhill glide? Just the possibility is sufficient motivation for me to redouble my efforts to move past my ego. I think I understand now much better Lesson 24 from A Course in Miracles, which says, “I do not perceive my own best interests.” I don’t – my ego has had me always trying to ice skate uphill.

I don’t know what, if anything, will come of this blog. But I guess that’s part of the point of moving beyond the ego: I need to trust that the guidance that comes from beyond my ego does so for a reason.

I’ve had a lot of fear around the idea of trusting “external” guidance. However, now I have a very objective way to know whether I’m doing the right things. If I am, it’ll feel like ice skating downhill, instead of uphill.

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