RSS
Do enlightened people get bored? Jed McKenna, who claims enlightenment, spends much of his time playing video games. Why would he do that if he weren’t bored?
I certainly don’t claim to be enlightened, yet I certainly share Jed’s sense of boredom. When I closed my business a few months ago, I was so sick that I had very little energy to do much of anything. Now that I’m feeling much better, I feel as if I don’t have enough outlets for my energy.
In this void of activity, I felt a sudden compulsion to become a schoolteacher. Before I started my investment advisory business, I laid down several criteria that were important to me in a job. I had down such things as a flexible schedule, low stress, not having to work in committees, etc. Teaching as a career fails on every count. Yet, it somehow feels right to me.
In what seems an eternity ago, I wrote the fifth post of my blog. In that post I described how I felt an urge to start blogging. I worried whether that urge was valid guidance, or something from my ego, and decided that I could tell the difference by how easy it was.
Now, I have a similar concern. Is my compulsion to teach a form of divine or intuitive guidance? Or, is it my mind casting around for things to do to fill my day? The latter would be a particularly insidious trap. By choosing a career that meets none of my “rational” criteria, my mind could usher me into a situation where I have far too much mental noise for any spiritual practice.
So, I’m going to fall back on my previous insight, and see how easy it is. So far, it appears that it might be almost frighteningly so. I may qualify for a program that would let me take education courses in summer school, and be in a classroom this autumn. When the idea occurred to me last week, I had no idea that I might actually be in front of students four months later.
Now, I’m waiting for the university’s transcript evaluator to decide whether I have enough qualifying college courses in the relevant subject areas to qualify. If the answer comes back yes, then that would be a major indicator that this path could be easy.
Filed under: Forgiveness, God, spirituality, World | Tags: ACIM, ego, God, love, releasing, World
A few months ago I wrote a post about self-love. I had realized that forgiving myself was easier than loving myself.
I had an insight yesterday into why loving myself is so difficult. I was doing A Course In Miracles lesson 110, “I am as God created me.” The core of this lesson, that there’s a core of divine perfection within, is something that the Workbook has covered many times – I guess it just took a lot of repetition to get through to me.
Loving myself, in the sense of true, unconditional love, effectively requires me to let go of my ego and separateness, revealing the divine inside. My existence in the (illusory) world has been full of problems, guilt, blame, and judgment. How could I possibly love myself in that context? My actions in this world don’t merit love.
Therefore, to love myself, I have to put aside what I’ve done in the world (and what the world has done to me). Loving myself, in effect, requires dropping my whole story, my sense of separation, my being special and unique. Isn’t that the end goal of the path to enlightenment? It’s a difficult place to start.
Maybe some people have an easy time jumping into self-love. As I wrote earlier, though, it’s easy to instead fall into the trap of searching for worldly deeds to pat ourselves on the back about, thus reinforcing the ego.
As I let go of my story, I have more moments of love towards myself and others. For me, it seems to be a consequence, not a catalyst, of letting go.
Filed under: Forgiveness, God, Suffering | Tags: ACIM, ego, God, Guilt, Happiness, Sedona Method, Suffering
Over the past few days, I’ve come to an important realization: we have an obligation to be happy.
I credit this insight mostly to A Course In Miracles. I recently did Lesson 100, which states, “My part is essential to God’s plan for salvation.” The lesson goes on to explain that my part is to be happy. I can then spread joy to everyone else. Seen this way, wallowing in misery is a downright selfish choice.
It’s been hard for me to be happy. Between my chronic Crohn’s Disease, the stresses of my job, and the continual drumbeat of terrible national and world news (which I must follow thanks to my job), it’s been much easier to be sad and depressed.
One of my recurring self-destructive ego thoughts has been that I don’t deserve to be happy. A Course In Miracles addresses this very directly. Sin is not real, and anything undeserving I think I’ve done is merely illusion. In fact, the workbook covers this in the context of happiness in Lesson 101. However, knowing that intellectually hasn’t made it much easier.
However, seeing happiness as an obligation changes the equation. Regardless of whether I deserve to be happy, I owe it to everyone else to be happy! It’s not selfish to be happy, it’s the ultimate charitable act.
Much of the earlier Course material made sense on an intellectual level, but I had trouble applying it on an emotional level. I understood that feeling guilt was pointless, but my ego kept piling it on. Now, I have a very rational counter to the ego: even if there were some value in the guilt hurting me, it’s wrong to let my guilt hurt the world.
Yesterday and today, I’ve been using the Sedona Method to work on the goal statement, “I allow myself to be happy.” I’ve tried to do that before, but my ego got in my way. Now, I’m rapidly feeling happier than I have in a long time.
I finally understand that we can simply choose to let ourselves be happy. I had heard this before and not believed it. Now, I see that I simply never allowed myself to make the choice!
Filed under: God, Non-duality, World | Tags: ACIM, ego, God, Helen Schucman, Kenneth Wapnick, Non-duality, spirituality, World
I wrote recently about my attempts to use free writing to get answers from God, first on my job, then on accelerating my spiritual progress. In both cases, the answers were clear, but did not give me specific guidance on what to do in the world. That is, the answers essentially told me to focus on Truth, rather than giving guidance about what to do in the illusory world.
I mentioned last month my desire to have the divine guidance cited by some followers of A Course In Miracles. Helen Schucman and Bill Thetford would even ask for guidance on where to hail a cab or what to order for dinner.
I recently read Kenneth Wapnick’s book Absence from Felicity: The Story of Helen Schucman and Her Scribing of A Course In Miracles. He makes the point that since God deals in reality, not illusion, any guidance we get is necessarily filtered through our separate mind (ego). While the content of the message is always the same, our ego must apply the form that allows it to apply to illusion.
Wapnick even goes so far as to say that students should be “suspicious of any specific guidance they receive.” Apparently, Schucman had a whole collection of scribed predictions, ostensibly from Jesus, of (mostly positive) events that would occur. None of them happened as predicted, clearly demonstrating that she played a active, if unknowing role, in creating them.
This also helps me better understand a conversation I had with a friend a couple of weeks ago. We were discussing spirituality, and I mentioned my desire for divine guidance. He cautioned me, telling me that he knew several people who regularly received guidance, and “their lives are a mess.” I wondered why that would be, unless they were mistaking their own ego’s thoughts for divine guidance. Now it makes sense: the ego’s thoughts have to be involved in any guidance regarding the world, or else the guidance wouldn’t be comprehensible. And that ego involvement can distort the form of the message.
Perhaps I should be glad that my ego hasn’t intruded enough on the purity of my answers to give worldly guidance. Not only might it not be good advice, but after reading Wapnick’s book I would likely be doubting it anyway.
I think the key point here is that I’ve been looking for guidance on petty things. I’ve been wanting guidance on how to deal with a multitude of illusions, whereas there’s only one real answer: embrace reality. While I still need to make decisions regarding these illusions, maybe it just doesn’t matter whether I get divine guidance. Certainly, the more I embrace love and peace, the better I can cope with whatever the world dishes up.
So, I’m going to take my answers so far as a loving reminder that I’ve been asking for too little. I should be asking for the ultimate prize, the only one that really matters, to see the light of reality.
Filed under: God, Non-duality, spirituality | Tags: ACIM, ego, God, Non-duality, Sedona Method, spirituality
It’s been two weeks since I tried free writing to get a message from God about my job. Since that attempt was so intriguing, you might think I’d have tried again before today. However, I’ve felt tremendous resistance to doing more free writing. I guess my ego doesn’t like my having a competing source of instructions.
I finally tried again today. I wrote the question “What could I do to best accelerate my spiritual progress?” at the top of the page, and cleared my mind. Here’s what came out:
You need do nothing. Your desire for action is the root of your problems. You want action so that you can feel that you are taking control of the situation. Yet the “situation” is itself illusory, and thus any action is counterproductive.
Remember that your ego wants to seek but not find. Your actions reflect this. Allow yourself peace, and I will take care of action for you. Do not let your ego tempt you into activity. Look around you, and see how much of your life stems from darkness, not light.
Relax and embrace the light. Once you stop your ego’s fruitless quest, you will see the light is already there.
That certainly doesn’t sound like something my ego would say. On the contrary, it sounds as if I’m still too prone to falling for ego tricks.
I can’t help but wonder: who is the “I” in this message? My inner self? God? Jesus? (I’ve never believed in the Biblical Jesus, but perhaps reading A Course In Miracles has let me to a Jesus archetype.) This is probably exactly the type of question where I should use the Sedona Method to let go of wanting to figure it out.
Regardless, the message reinforces what I realized several weeks ago when I was feeling stuck: It’s far too easy for me to want to do something to make progress. This message makes clear that I should relax, and try easier.
I wrote a couple of weeks ago about how I was waiting for God to give me guidance on what to do. Two days ago, I wrote about my lack of passion about my job. With the stock market hitting a five-year low yesterday (something that directly impacts my job as a money manager), it’s been especially hard for me to find peace at work.
I’ve read of people who were unable to hear God’s voice in their head, but were able to get advice through the mechanism of free writing. For those unfamiliar with it, this is simply the process of sitting down with pen and paper, and writing whatever comes without thought or censorship.
My first few lines were clearly my thoughts. They sounded like me, and were written in the first person. Then the text abruptly changed to being in the second person, and started sounding like something out of A Course In Miracles. I wrote:
Do not confuse worldly deeds with function. Any deeds can be an expression of love. The world is merely illusion, whereas love is real.
You seek a decision, but there is no decision to be made regarding your job. Stay or quit, the outcome is the same. Rather, your decision is one of happiness versus despair. Choose happiness, and your job will be a source of happiness. This must be so, as the job merely reflects either God’s reality or the ego’s illusions.
What do you seek from your job? Approval, control, security? None of these exist within an occupation. They are the birthright of a child of God, already yours, hidden by the ego’s delusions.
I was hoping for more, but my writing stopped with a sense of finality. I guess it answers the question. Even if I were to leave my job, what would I do? Some other job, where I would seek to get approval, control, and security through my work? I’ve been seeking those in my work for many years now, and I have to agree that they’re not there to be found. This verifies what I wrote earlier, that no matter what my job, I need to bring the happiness to it.
I guess the last question is whether this was really a message from God, or just the wisdom of my subconscious. I’m trying to take the same approach as I did a month ago: it just doesn’t matter. Maybe God communicates with me this way rather than vocally because it leaves more room for ambiguity, and is thus easier for me to accept.
Filed under: God, spirituality | Tags: ACIM, beliefs, ego, faith, God, religion, spirituality
I wrote on Thursday about how I’ve been trying to control my relationship with God. I realized yesterday that the problem goes deeper than that.
As a long-time atheist, I’ve found it hard to give up my belief that God doesn’t exist. I have thus been working hard to believe in God, specifically one that could give me support and guidance. I just realized what a trap that is.
Coincidentally, yesterday was exactly one month after I wrote my post on religion vs. spirituality. I’ve been trying to instill a new belief system. I’ve been trying to do this despite my realization that all beliefs are counterproductive.
Creating a belief in God isn’t the answer. Succeeding at that would simply create a new basis for me to judge what is happening. I’ve known plenty of theists who were deeply unhappy – judging from within a theist framework isn’t any different from judging from within an atheistic one.
Yes, I need to let go of my atheistic beliefs. However, I need to move from there to knowing truth rather than creating new beliefs. If there’s a God along the lines described in A Course In Miracles, He should make himself visible to an open mind. The Course says that you don’t need to believe anything to benefit from the workbook exercises. I’d go further and say that believing anything is an impediment.
This is actually a big relief. It’s a lot of work to create a belief in God, set expectations based on that belief, and then judge God! It just goes to show what the ego can do, given a chance.
Filed under: God, spirituality | Tags: ego, faith, God, Hale Dwoskin, religion, Sedona Method, spirituality
I have been frustrated for some time by my inability to speak to God, get “signs,” or otherwise get clear divine guidance. I’ve read so many stories of people who can ask God for advice and get a response. I’ve been diligently asking, so why not me?
Yesterday, I received what may have been an answer. Hale Dwoskin runs monthly support calls for graduates of the Sedona Method. I rarely listen to these, but yesterday I had the unusual urge to download the latest recording and listen to it while preparing lunch.
One of the callers was asking for relationship advice. Hale pointed out that the caller was trying to control the relationship. He made the comment that when you try to speed up a relationship, you wind up slowing it down. That comment struck me very hard.
I’ve been trying to control my relationship with God, dictating what I want and making clear my expectations (clear advice, etc.). There’s something inherently paradoxical in saying, “Dear God, I want to surrender to your will. So, give me clear guidance, and I want it now!”
Part of the problem is that I’ve been trying to make myself believe in God. I’ve been trying to create a degree of faith to support this belief. I’ve fallen into the trap of being religious instead of spiritual. What an ego trap! I’ve deliberately put energy into creating a new belief that allows me to judge my relationship with God.
I don’t know if I’ll get the clear guidance that I’m looking for. (And, maybe, my sudden inclination to listen to Hale’s call was clear guidance.) What I do know is that, if there is a God, trying to judge and control our relationship won’t help me.
Filed under: God, World | Tags: ACIM, ego, Gerald Jampolsky, God, Intuition, Marianne Williamson
People who have followed A Course In Miracles, such as Marianne Williamson and Gerald Jampolsky, say that they get divine guidance on what to do. That sounds lovely. It would be great to give up the burden of making decisions and have an infallible guide lead me to happiness.
As I wrote a couple of days ago, every moment we make a decision: to judge what’s happening, or accept it. This still leaves a challenge, though, for as long as I’m still living in an illusory world. There are still decisions to make, no matter how illusory they might be. Do I stay in my job, or change careers? Should my family move to somewhere with a milder climate that would be easier on my illness? I know the questions apply to a dream world, but that hasn’t yet made them go away.
I know how to tell when I’m doing the right thing: it seems easy, as opposed to ice skating uphill. Unfortunately, I can only apply that criterion after the fact. Divine guidance has the definite benefit that it comes before a decision is necessary.
Of late, I’ve found myself deliberately deferring major decisions. I made a major career change just a few years ago, based on egocentric thinking. It seems silly to repeat the process, rather than wait for the point when I can receive divine guidance.
Of course, my ego argues that I could wait forever for such guidance. This is a great opportunity for my ego to play tricks. Maybe God doesn’t exist at all, and people like Williamson and Jampolsky are just delusional. Maybe that just have great intuition, and attribute it to God. Yeah, that’s it, and intuition is just another part of the ego, and if I want guidance I should spend time developing my ego’s intuitive skills, and…
This line of reasoning is what lets me know this is another ego trick. Yet, I can see this as a particular area of challenge for me. Relying on divine guidance is kind of a Catch-22: you don’t get the guidance until you relinquish ego control. Until you get divine guidance, there’s a temptation to rely on ego control.
No wonder so many people remain firmly in their ego’s grasp for their whole lives!
A few days ago, I mentioned that I had received what seemed to be a fortune cookie from God. As is typical for me, I’m second-guessing the significance of it.
Getting a degree in engineering only reinforced my rational/physical view of the world. (Please don’t give me that oft-quoted drivel about how quantum physics “proves” that we create our own reality. Because I actually know something about quantum physics, I know how absurd that claim is.)
Until recently, I would have put down any claims of the supernatural to Littlewood’s Law. John Littlewood was a mathematician who defined a “miracle” as an event that was exceptional and of special significance. He figured the odds of an event being a “miracle” at 1,000,000 to 1. Since an event occurs to us about every second that we’re awake, simple math shows that “miracles” should happen to us roughly monthly. Littlewood’s Law would say that something seemingly significant, whether my fortune cookie or something equally improbable, was actually bound to happen sooner or later.
Was receiving my fortune cookie an example of synchronicity? Carl Jung coined the term to refer to events that are related, but outside the direct realm of cause and effect. Jung believed that the “collective unconscious” governed the whole human experience and could cause such things. Except for theological differences, such as who created what, Jung’s collective unconscious is a lot like the idea of an immanent god. The collective unconscious has a vision of the ideal self, and could cause me to get my fortune cookie to help drive me towards self-actualization.
Another argument is called apophenia. Klaus Conrad coined the term to refer to our tendency to see connections where none exists. I’ve been studying spirituality, and many fortune cookies have vaguely spiritual themes. The odds are good that I could find relevance there, just as I likely could by opening to a random page in the Bible. That is, it was pure coincidence, but I want there to be meaning, so I see it.
Where does this leave me? This may sound like a cop-out, but I don’t think it matters which is true. I can’t prove any of the theories, which means I’d just be picking a belief. As I wrote last week, I’m finding all beliefs detrimental to my progress. Instead, I am going to go based on what I can actually know from personal experience.
I know that I’m happier when my mind is quiet and peaceful. I know that most of my ego’s thoughts are negative and destructive. I know that the more loving and less judgmental I can be, the better I feel about other people. Against that knowledge, does it matter whether or not the fortune cookie was a sign from God? Just as seeing a gum commercial can remind me to schedule my dental checkup, seeing the fortune cookie reminded me not to neglect an important part of my spiritual practice.
It would be nice to think that God had a role to play in bringing me that cookie. But not so nice as to be worth cluttering up my mind with yet another belief.
